Not my monkey, not my circus.
I don’t know exactly when or where I first heard this expression, but I do remember it stopping me in my tracks. Someone, I believe it was an attendee in one of my classes, said this out loud and in a heartbeat I understood that an important truth had been shared. The more clear we are about what is ours to manage, the better our lives. This is one of the most important elements of creating a life that is true, healthy, growth-filled and well-boundaried. I offer here 3 of the most important boundary skills/understandings. These are the ones that have, without question, changed my life for the better and should you take them to heart, you may well experience the uplift of a happier life.
- Know Your Circus, Know Your Lane, Know Your Dreams: Some stuff is ours; a lot isn’t. Boundaries are necessary for a 1,000 good reasons and one of them is to keep us sane and out of the tornados of drama that are simply not ours to own. Discernment is crucial in life: when we take the time to consider what we are here to offer, what we long to create, and who we most long to be we are far better able to negotiate what we want to let into our circus and what doesn’t belong.
- Own Your Worth: Other people will have opinions. Lots of them. And feelings. Tons of them. They get to have them. Just as we get to have ours. We make the mistake of believing that others’ opinions matter more. Or that our feelings don’t count. Our dreams are less important. When we activate healthier boundaries we are reminding ourselves that we matter. That we have an inherent worthiness that is worthy of protecting. Learning to say no to what doesn’t work and yes to what is life-giving to us is an act of self-care and of self-respect.
- Pause, Consider, Respond: Every time I have made a mess messier it is because I reacted far too quickly. And everytime I made something better, it is because I gave myself the chance to think it through and consider the options of response first…before I hit send. We may feel like we have to answer right away. We may believe that others will be unhappy if we don’t say yes. We may know that we will be rocking the boat if we respond in an uncommon manner and yet the only way to craft a life that we love is to give ourselves a chance to protect what matters most…our time, our energy, our health, our passions…so that we may bring our better selves to the moment.
These boundary practices take practice…and thoughtful consideration. They don’t come easily to many of us and they are so worth the effort. To live a life that is moving in the directions that are most inspiring to you, and rich with what you love, they are necessary.
We have but one chance in this lifetime and we are so lucky to have been given that chance.
None of us, I know, wants to feel as though we are wasting the opportunities that have been given to us.
We can choose to be more mindful in these 3 ways and as we do so, become better stewards of our own lives and the gifts we are here to offer. And…when that happens, we have more fun…and energy…and strength. We bring so much more of the good within us to the people and places and moments that matter the most.
I’m so glad someone told me I didn’t have to carry everyone’s monkey on my back. And neither do you.
Love, Maria
